An intangible gift I would like to give myself on Valentine’s day
I suck at this. The slides are hopeless.
Even after putting my cent percent effort and staying awake all night, I could only put up sh*t in the powerpoint.
It’s already 5am and I have to present it tomorrow at 2:30pm.
I wonder if I should simply ask Karthik, the favorite first of our CEO, to present it. May be he will manage to cover the flaws in the slides with his untarnished hold on the flow of words from his mouth.
I so admired him, I wish he could be my valentine. We would have had a lovely time together today on this Valentine’s day.
My eyes had started to burn and my back hurt. I need to look away from the laptop screen at-least for 5 minutes and also stretch a little.
As I walked away from the study table, my legs started to tremble and my eyelids drooped as I stood in front of the mirror. I tried to see myself, my reflection, but the image flashed and then became blur every time I tried harder.
A 5 foot 2 inch tall image appeared in front of me as I tried to open my eyes but the very next instant it disappeared and lost in the darkness as my eyelids drooped again.
I struggled to stand tall as I pictured the lady I always wanted to be, however, my spine gave me a different message. The dizziness in my head and haziness in my mind worked in unison to push me down on the floor. My voice quavered as I tried to call out mom for help.
A part of my brain started murmuring, you can’t descend and cascade into the chasm; no please, hold on. My body however, has it’s own plans. It refused to deliberate the command and I was gone.
An angel appeared, clad in a skirt suit, holding silver colored laptop in her hand.
Wasn’t she supposed to be clad in a white beautiful gown holding her magical wand?
I hushed away my babbling mind.
She was dusky but her charm was impeccable. Her down turned eyes twinkled. She stood tall in the light of hope, true to herself. Her deep black hair flew in the air loosely and her cheekbones shinned. I mesmerized as her beauty epitomized when she smiled at me with just one dimple on her left cheek. How perfectly imperfect I thought.
‘What makes you think you suck at your job? Don’t you realize you are doubt my caliber when you say that? You have no right to tear me down with your thoughts.’ She said in a soft yet a firm voice.
How can she be affected when I say things to myself about my competence?
‘Please don’t do this to me. Tell me I can do it; I am capable, qualified and able.’ She directed me.
‘But who are you? I don’t understand. How my thoughts and actions can affect you?’
‘I am your true self. I leave within you. I become everything you want me to become. But when I was born, I always wanted to be a confident girl. However, you’re ruining it for me. Kindly let me grow into someone whom I always wanted to be. Remember, I am the one who is most affected by your thoughts. I am the outcome of what you think about me. Only you can help me be myself by reassuring me that things will fall in place even when the situations seem otherwise. Please don’t punish me for who I am or things that I can’t do. Show me some love and I assure you I’ll give more back to you.’
The light surrounding her became even brighter. My eyes squinted instantly and soon I closed them off.
I felt paralyzed and my heart pulsated exponentially. An involuntary jolt shook me from inside out. I opened my eyes and the light this time was from the tubelight.
The full length mirror on the wall, right in front of me, had a clear reflection now. I saw myself in it lying on the floor in my bedroom and still unable to move.
I realized it was a dream and it had thought me a lesson I could never forget.
I took a deep breath and tried with all my might to move my limbs. I slowly sat up. My right upper arm ached. I now remembered landing on the floor on my right arm when I fell down sideways out of exhaustion.
However, I felt refreshed. The tiredness from preparing the presentation had magically disappeared.
‘Oh shit! My presentation, I screamed’, as I looked at the clock. It was 10:30am. I didn’t realize I had slept for so long. What do I do now? I was supposed to be in the office latest by 11am and prepare an agenda for a meeting along with the team.
Relax Nisha, there is nothing you can do about the time that has passed.
I took a few deep breaths, slowed done the train of thoughts in my head.
I texted immediately to Dinesh, my project manager, on my messenger-
Had a tiring night.
Will not be able to make it for the meeting at 12.
Will take the call from home.
I am ready with my presentation and will reach office by 1.
He replied immediately saying-
Alright, I will handle it here in the office.
Please don’t be late for the presentation or worse cause any issues during the meeting like you did last time.
Dinesh never failed to remind me of my mistakes. He was a free entertainment for us in the office especially because he was a grammar freak. Every time anybody spoke something wrong, he would first correct the person and then move on to the actual task at hand.
I always wonder why he was in IT instead of becoming a literary genius. He was one of those self-proclaimed grammar ninjas who typed every bit of a sentence even in a messenger.
Surprisingly, I don’t really feel the pinch at this moment thinking of the blunder I committed during my last presentation. Karthik had to take it over as I left the boardroom apologizing the clients and my team.Never mind what happened yesterday, today looks bright and tomorrow I am sure will be even better.
As I stood under the shower thinking of what I experienced in the morning, it occurred to me that the angel was nobody but me. I felt silly but the dream had thought me the biggest lesson of my life.
I told myself, no hard feelings and I hugged me tightly with my own arms.
Why should I wait for anybody to be my Valentine, to hug me or to buy me anything?
Today I will gift myself an intangible gift which nobody can ever present to me and the one which only I am capable of gifting myself- the true gift of self love, on the occasion of valentine’s day, today and forever, time and again.
This short fiction is written as a part of #ChatterPrompts